


Selfish Regret Filled Reconciliation

by ColourfulVoid



Series: White Lies and Love [3]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Betaed, Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Harukawa Maki does some thinking, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Oma Kokichi Being Oma Kokichi, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Oma Kokichi-centric, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Saihara Shuichi, Redemption, Sad Oma Kokichi, Tags Contain Spoilers, The Finale to No One Loves A Liar!!!, thank you oopa, will add more tags as they become relevant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24282331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColourfulVoid/pseuds/ColourfulVoid
Summary: It's been a few months since Shuuichi chewed out Maki and Kaito, and to Kokichi's dismay, not much seems to have changed.Is it wrong to want everyone to get along, or merely too idealistic? Being in love has changed him, he never wanted such ridiculous things before!The path to redemption is a rocky one, but with Shuuichi by his side, surely Kokichi will be able to weather it, right?And maybe he's not the only one feeling regret...
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: White Lies and Love [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550815
Comments: 11
Kudos: 146





	Selfish Regret Filled Reconciliation

**Author's Note:**

> THE FINALE! THE REAL FINALE THIS TIME! IT IS HERE!!!!  
> I will! wrap up every loose end! or at least try!!  
> I wanna give a few shoutouts: to the 41 (!!) people who voted for another story in this series (and the one who said they didn't care), to the person who bookmarked this with the caption 'oh no' which I think sums it up perfectly, and to everyone who's read everything that came before this!! Honestly it makes me so happy I could write something you all enjoy so much!  
> starting this final fic off with a bit of a drabble to get you guys in the feel of everything, before the plot really happens, haha.  
> OH and this is my 50 FIC OF ALL TIME!!!!! ahhh!!! very exciting!!!!  
> anyway ive been rambling wayyy too long so here you gooooo!!!

Kokichi woke with a start, breathing heavily and bolting upright. Despite panic overwhelming the majority of his senses, part of him registered that it was late, and that he shouldn’t be up. He held onto himself, nails digging into this skin, feeling the pulse of his heart racing through every finger.

He could hear the mocking ringing in his head.

_“No one could love a liar like you.”_

_“Why anyone talks to you is beyond my comprehension.”_

_“You’re alone Kokichi, and you always will be.”_

Words he knew had never been said, would never be said, but the sentiment remained the same.

He was unlovable, without a doubt. To want something at all was selfish, let alone to date someone, _let alone_ someone as amazing as Shuuichi.

Sweet Shuuichi, kind Shuuichi, who fought for truth despite the consequences. 

Not like Kokichi. Bitter Kokichi, mean Kokichi, who lied at every chance

The thoughts that swirled in his brain, thrashing violently and slamming against his skull, were wrong. Kokichi knew that, somewhere.

But still…

They had a point didn’t they?

The pranks he had pulled for years on end. The teasing and teasing with no end. Every snide remark, every action he had taken since middle school, all behind a protective mask of falsehoods, could never be taken back.

It wasn’t like he could argue that he didn’t know why he did it; he thought about it every day.

He did it to stay safe. From the people- so many people Kokichi had known who took every hint of weakness and turned it against him. No mercy or escape. To be kind was to risk his life.

He had taken it too far.

He wasn’t there now. He was safe now. In the dorms, curled up in a blanket, none of those people in sight.

They were still out there. Kokichi knew it.

Old habits were hard to break, but god did Kokichi want to.

…

It didn’t matter now anyway. Sure, Maki refused to acknowledge his existence, Kaito teetered on an awkward edge between wanting to insult him and keeping his mouth shut, and Kaede looked at him with guilt every time they were in the same room, but it was better than getting beaten up, right?

It wasn’t like he didn’t deserve what he got.

There wasn’t a point in thinking about this _now._

Kokichi glanced at the clock on his bedside table. Unfortunately, the glowing digits of the digital clock were nothing but a neon green blur.

Crying was _stupid_ and for _babies,_ and Kokichi wished it would just stop already.

A little voice spoke up in the back of Kokichi’s mind, and though the rest of his mind screamed at him to ignore it and continue to stew in self loathing as he deserved, he found his arms moving on autopilot. 

He reached for his phone, left lying on the table next to the clock- tossed aside a few hours earlier. 

Through memory alone, Kokichi clicked to his contacts and opened the first conversation at the top of the page.

> **[Ouma Kokichi]**  
>  \- Hey Saihara, u awake?
> 
> **[Saihara Shuuichi]**  
>  \- Yeah, why?
> 
> **[Ouma Kokichi]**  
>  \- you should really be asleep it’s late.

Kokichi tossed his phone to the end of his bed, curling his knees up to his chest.

This was dumb, this was a terrible idea, he shouldn’t bother Shuuichi more then he already had-

The phone buzzed and Kokichi dove forward to grab it.

> **[Saihara Shuuichi]**
> 
> \- I’m coming over, don’t worry.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck-_

Why did Kokichi keep doing this? Why keep thinking about things he knew he couldn’t change? The irritating persona he had crafted clung to him, warping the person underneath.

By now he had torn that away, yet parts of it still remained.

And those who had never seen him without the mask, didn’t believe there was ever a mask to begin with. 

Kokichi tried to stop thinking to no avail, finally uncurling slightly from his ball when he heard the click of a key in the door.

The door swung open silently, Shuuichi’s head popping out around the frame.

“Can I come in?” He whispered.

Kokichi nodded.

Once the door had closed and Shuuichi had stepped inside, Kokichi tightened his grip on his phone.

“Ni-shi-shi!! I tricked you~” 

Like always, a grin stretched across Kokichi’s face. The very motion twisted his stomach into knots.

“I just wanted to say hi, and steal _alllll_ your attention!”

Shuuichi frowned.

“You’re lying.”

Kokichi pouted.

“Nu-uh!! How mean of you! This was all part of my plan!”

“It wasn’t.” Shuuichi continued, walking forward a bit more, dragging his feet across the ground for fear of tripping over something Kokichi had abandoned.

“You never call me Saihara when we text, and you never end sentences with period’s unless you’re upset.”

With that, Shuuichi sat on the edge of Kokichi’s bed.

“So what’s wrong?”

Kokichi kept his mouth shut, tongue feeling like lead, staring off at the clock in a poor attempt not to make eye contact.

“Kichi…” Shuuichi murmured. “You’re okay. I’m here and you’re safe.”

His gentle tone washed something away, allowing Kokichi to speak again.

“It was just a nightmare.” 

He admitted nonchalantly, attempting to shrug it off.

“What about? I-if you don’t mind me asking. You don’t have to tell me.”

Still trying in a crumbling attempt to play it off, Kokichi went on.

“Oh ya know! Silly things! Just being afraid of everyone hating me, even though it’s what I wanted in the first place!”

Well that didn’t work.

“I’m being dramatic Shuu, it’s fine really.”

Shuuichi looked unconvinced.

“I shouldn’t be bothered by it-” Kokichi tried. Shuuichi’s expression remained unchanged.

“It was a while ago and they can’t hurt me again.”

Even in the darkness, Shuuichi could read the hints of Kokichi’s expression, hiding the things he _really_ wanted to say.

“But…?” Shuuichi prompted.

“But I can still hear it.” Kokichi hung his head. “I can hear everything they’ve said, even things they didn’t say. How I’m not good enough, how I’ll never be good enough, how I’m just a liar and nothing more. I just get trapped in this like… gross stew of regret. Like if we left cooking to Miu and she she got her recipe from Himiko who was only retelling it how she remembered Tsumugi raving about some recipe in some low budget anime she found in the bottom of the dumpster, and then whatever Miu made was poured onto the floor and stepped in a bunch and-”

Kokichi’s colourful metaphor had to end there as he took a large breath.

“-Anyway it’s bad and there’s no escape.”

“That does sound bad…” Shuuichi admitted, as if the description wasn’t entirely ridiculous.

“I hate it, Shuuichi!” Kokichi cried. “I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! What’s the point of thinking about all these stupid things! Who cares if some people were a bit mean to mean when I was so awful to them? I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

“But you’re doing so well, Kichi. You’re lying less and trusting more, and it’s hard for you but you’re doing so well! You’re trying, that’s what matters.”

“I don’t wanna try to be better. I wanna _be_ better.”

With pleading eyes, Shuuichi said,

“You _are_ better, Kokichi.”

Kokichi shook his head.

“Not enough.”

“Enough? For who?”

Kokichi sighed.

“You know…”

Shuuichi frowned.

“Who cares what they think?”

“I do. You do.”

“But they _hurt_ you.”

“And I hurt them. I just…” Kokichi trailed off. “I wanna be forgiven. I want to be friends. I can’t make them-“

Shuuichi held Kokichi tightly.

“I want to forgive them too. We were friends after all… I just don’t know if I can forgive them.”

“Hey, you forgave me! I just… wish we could all be friends.”

“Well… I’m not them… but I love you a lot.”

The stabbing of rejection lessened a little as Kokichi hugged back.

“You’re such a sap.”

Shuuichi laughed lightly.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Kokichi let out a laugh as well, bleeding into a yawn that Shuuichi copied.

“We should probably sleep…” Shuuichi said with reluctance.

“Yeah, you’re right. Can we talk in the morning?”

Shuuichi smiled, leaning forward and kissing Kokichi’s forehead, lips brushing against the end of his bangs.

“Of course. I’m here when you need me.”

“I’m here too, Shuu, okay? If I don’t have to go things alone, you don’t either, got it?”

“I promise. We’re gonna do everything together from now on.”

With that said, the pair settled into each other’s arms, Kokichi resting his head against Shuuichi’s chest.

Slowly, he slipped off, rocked to sleep by the gentle rise of Shuuichi’s chest as he breathed.

Each breath a reminder he was okay, Kokichi was okay, everyone was okay.

There was one last thought Kokichi had before his conscience was returned to this incoherent mist of dreams.

_“Is it wrong to dream for everyone to get along?”_

Kokichi Ouma, selfish in every way, clung tight to the love of his life, and dreamed of a world where he was forgiven.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how long this one will take, I know the plot I want to cover, but since this will be the final part, if theres anything you guys really wanna see resolved, beyond the obvious, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know in the comments!  
> I don't know what the upload's will look like, hoping not too bad,,,,, but regardless, please enjoy this story to the end!!  
> I love hearing from you guys (it was because someone said they liked this series that I brought it back) so please leave a comment/kudos if you can!!!  
> [My Twitter](https://twitter.com/Colourful_Void)  
> [My Tumblr](https://void-of-many-colours.tumblr.com)  
> Thank you SO much for reading!!!!!


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